


for the first time

by katierosefun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Break, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Painkillers, Post-Episode: s05e16 The Lawless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28862007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katierosefun/pseuds/katierosefun
Summary: “Did you…ever see him like that?” Ahsoka asked in a small voice.“No,” Anakin repeated. “I think…”Anakin cleared his throat roughly, wiped at his face. “I don’t think he ever really wanted me to see.”[or: of course, the only time Obi-Wan Kenobi actually cries in front of Anakin and Ahsoka, it's because he's on painkillers. Post-Lawless.]
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 22
Kudos: 495





	for the first time

**Author's Note:**

> i swear this title isn't because of 'for the first time' by the script--

Anakin couldn’t remember how long he had been sitting in medbay. At least a few hours…because Anakin had already given the Council report, and then he had returned to medbay after being told that the painkillers had been administered…

Obi-Wan mumbled something, and at first, Anakin thought that his former master would wake, but with a sigh, he just turned his head on the pillow. Anakin was tempted to call for Obi-Wan anyways, just in case, but the doors opened before he could.

“How is he?”

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Anakin asked, turning to the doors. But he was relieved that Ahsoka was well enough to move around. Most of her bruises had cleared, and she was at least standing straighter than she had in the last few days. Still, she sat down in the chair next to Anakin with a bit more force than he would have liked.

“Shouldn’t _you_?” Ahsoka asked with a pointed look.

Anakin lifted his shoulders. “I wasn’t the one who nearly broke an ankle.”

“Well, neither was I,” Ahsoka said. “Kix told me that it’s just a fracture. Nothing serious.”

“Hm.”

“And besides,” Ahsoka said, shifting in her seat, “I was asking about _him_.” She nodded to the bed. “How’s he doing?”

They both looked at Obi-Wan, who, like Anakin and Ahsoka, was clear of most of the bruises and cuts collected over the course of battle. Unlike Anakin and Ahsoka, he had very nearly collapsed the moment the battle was finished, and that was how everyone realized that Anakin’s former master had broken multiple ribs.

“Better, I think,” Anakin said. “He’s just hopped up on sedatives.” He frowned. “Or painkillers. Or both.”

“Probably both,” Ahsoka commented.

Anakin nodded. He pinched the bridge of his nose, looked to Ahsoka. She had had her fair share of painkillers only a few hours ago, but her eyes were clearer than they had been then. She caught him looking and lifted her eyebrows.

“So,” Anakin said with another pointed look. “Why’re you up?”

“Like I said,” Ahsoka said, shrugging. “Nothing serious on my end. _But_ ,” she added, “I’m hungry. And there’s _no one_ at the mess right now.”

Anakin shot another glance at Obi-Wan, who hadn’t stirred even with the conversation above him. Which Anakin was relieved about—his former master probably needed all the sleep he could get these days.

“Fine,” Anakin said, standing up. “But don’t expect me to eat that stuff.”

“Picky, picky.”

\--

“So how is he, really?” Ahsoka asked.

Anakin looked up from his tray—because in the end, he wound up getting a tray anyways, and he’d eaten more than he thought he would. Now, though, he regretted it—the food seemed to solidify and harden in his stomach.

“Well, you saw him,” Anakin said, pushing aside the rest of the food on the tray. If one could even call it that. “He’s sleeping the medicine off.”

Anakin knew that wasn’t what Ahsoka was actually asking, but she didn’t push the issue. She looked at him for a moment, pressed her lips together, and Anakin knew that she _wanted_ to ask—and he was steeling himself to answer when Ahsoka just nodded, looked back down at her food.

“Do you think he’ll be hungry when he wakes up?” Ahsoka asked. “We could bring him something.”

Anakin grimaced. “You really think he’ll be in the mood?”

“Ugh, probably not,” Ahsoka replied, shoving her tray aside.

“Exactly.” Anakin stacked their trays on top of each other. “Maybe tea, if he’s going to stomach _anything_.”

Ahsoka smiled a little at that. “You’re bad at making tea though.”

“I didn’t say that I was actually going to _make_ tea,” Anakin said, standing up. “We’ll just use the microwave.”

“That counts,” Ahsoka said diplomatically.

“See?” Anakin offered Ahsoka a hand, which she refused.

“I’ve got it,” she said, but Anakin noticed her face tighten just the slightest as she stood. She steadied herself quickly enough though, and then the two of them were walking across the mess to deposit their trays. “But he’ll probably be asleep, won’t he?”

“He _should_ be still,” Anakin replied, glancing at the chronometer on the wall. He looked back down at Ahsoka. “If you want to head back to your own quarters…”

“I’ve been doing nothing _but_ sitting around,” Ahsoka said quickly. “And Rex is working out some diagnostics, and I can’t bother him—”

“So you’re bothering me?”

“Well…”

Anakin pretended to look annoyed, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that today. He just gestured. “Okay. But if you start to feel tired…”

“I’ll head right back,” Ahsoka replied. “Got it.”

Anakin huffed out a breath, but he was satisfied enough with that response. The two of them walked through the hallways together, their steps a familiar sound. Anakin noticed that Ahsoka’s gait had actually evened itself out as they got closer and closer to the medbay.

“When do you think he’ll wake up?” Ahsoka asked.

“Another hour or so?” Anakin tried to remember again when exactly the medicine had been administered. “We can make the tea then.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Ahsoka agreed.

But when Anakin and Ahsoka walked back into the room, they found a different story.

At first, both Ahsoka and Anakin could just stop and stare at the tangle of sheets, the scattered datapad and the very, very disoriented-looking Obi-Wan Kenobi standing in the center of the medbay.

Finally, Ahsoka started, “ _Uh_ —is he supposed to be—”

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan said, turning around. He was looking at Ahsoka, eyes not quite focused. Anakin pretended not to notice the corner of the bed sheet still stuck to Obi-Wan’s clothes. “Been looking for you—”

“Well, here we are,” Anakin said quickly, walking over to Obi-Wan. “Let’s sit back down, okay?”

He settled a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, started to lower him back into the bed. Obi-Wan frowned, blinked up at Anakin. Then, after a moment, he said, “ _Oh_ … _there_ you are—”

“Yeah,” Anakin said. He heard a snort from behind him. “Ahsoka, _don’t_ —”

“No, I have to record this,” Ahsoka said. “Gimme a second.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, but he focused back on Obi-Wan. “How’re you feeling? Are you…”

“Hm?” Obi-Wan looked up at Anakin again. He looked lost at first, and then he smiled again. A nearly giddy, almost happy smile that Anakin hadn’t seen in a while. “Oh, yes. I’m feeling _fantastic_ , actually… _fantastic_ …I think I’m going to…”

He stood up suddenly, almost knocking Anakin backwards—which, frankly, Anakin hadn’t been expecting at all, and he might have actually tripped backwards had he not grabbed onto Obi-Wan’s shoulder again.

“ _Okay_ ,” Anakin said, patting Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Let’s sit back down.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. A little too quickly. A little too much, his hair slipping past his brow. “No,” he said. “ _No_ … _I…_ ” He jabbed a finger at Anakin’s chest. “Have a _very_ important meeting. _Very_ important.”

“Uh-huh,” Anakin said flatly. “With who?”

“It’s a _secret_ ,” Obi-Wan said. He blinked, brought a finger to his lips. “ _Shhh.._.”

Ahsoka giggled. “Sounds like you, Master.”

Anakin blinked and looked at Ahsoka, who was suddenly interested in the fallen datapad. Anakin considered telling her off then, but he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and then he was back to yanking Obi-Wan towards the bed. “Oh, _no_ you don’t—”

“Le _ggo_ —” Obi-Wan huffed, pushing clumsily at Anakin’s grip.

“Not a chance,” Anakin replied. He shoved aside Obi-Wan’s hand, lowered his former master into the bed. “You’ll thank me later.”

“ _Thank_ …” Obi-Wan shook his head again—that nearly violent head-shake that tempted Anakin to set his hand on top of his former master’s head to stop the shaking.

Anakin did just that, and Obi-Wan gave him a resentful look that would have made Anakin laugh if he wasn’t more occupied with the fact that his former master was up and moving when he wasn’t supposed to be.

“Okay,” Anakin said firmly. “Back in we go.”

As Anakin helped Obi-Wan settle back into bed, Ahsoka came around to the other side. Still smiling a little, she brought up the pillow. “You know,” she said, “I have a weird feeling he’s not really going to remember this when he wakes up for real.”

“Probably not,” Anakin replied. He glanced around the room. “I don’t even think he was supposed to be up, if the pain’s that bad…”

“Not _that_ bad,” Obi-Wan mumbled, and Anakin looked back down at Obi-Wan, but his former master’s eyes were focused on the ceiling. His hands fumbled for the sheets, tried to push them away, but this time, both Anakin and Ahsoka yanked them back up.

“Well, that was at least coherent,” Ahsoka commented. “Maybe he’s coming out of it?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Anakin replied.

“’s _not_ ,” Obi-Wan added, and both Anakin and Ahsoka looked at each other before looking back down at him.

“That’s not how painkillers work?” Ahsoka asked, and Anakin could tell that she was biting on her cheek to keep herself from laughing.

“Not that _bad_ ,” Obi-Wan said, his eyes rolling down to focus on Ahsoka. “ _Really_ …not.”

“Oh, I see, but…” Ahsoka sat at the foot of the bed. “A few broken ribs seem kinda painful to me, Master Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. Not as quickly as he had before, and Anakin wondered if maybe his former master _was_ coming out of the painkiller-sedative haze, but then Obi-Wan slurred, “Not as bad as… _beetles_.”

Ahsoka raised her eyebrows. “Beetles?”

“He fell into a fire beetle pit when he was a Padawan,” Anakin supplied, rubbing his face. He had heard the story a few times before—once when Anakin had plucked a crawling beetle off the ground and tried to hand it to Obi-Wan.

Ahsoka blinked. “That sounds…”

“Yeah.” Anakin looked again to Obi-Wan, whose expression had suddenly turned neutral. Eyes still turned to the ceiling, not quite there.

“Or…the…” Obi-Wan frowned. “Planet. Sith…”

Anakin inhaled sharply, and Ahsoka looked again. “What’s he…”

“ _Zigoola_ ,” Obi-Wan said suddenly. He pushed a hand up to his face. “Mm. _Not…_ good. _Very, very_ not good.”

Anakin’s stomach went cold. “Sith planet,” he told Ahsoka quietly. “When we were…out. Looking for Artoo, remember?”

Ahsoka frowned, turning back to Obi-Wan. Any trace of laughter had fully faded from her face. “I _knew_ he looked weird afterwards…”

“Yeah,” Anakin replied, sitting down. “Obi-Wan—”

“Or… _or!_ ” Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. “Or…ah… _Zyggeria_ …”

This time, both Anakin and Ahsoka went quiet.

“Mm…” Obi-Wan shook his head against the pillow. His hand ghosted down to his neck, stayed there for a while. A chill ran up Anakin’s spine. “That…hm.”

“Master,” Anakin started. He reached, tugged Obi-Wan’s hand off his neck. “You should…”

“Or…” Obi-Wan frowned. His hand skated down to his stomach. Rested there. “ _Maul_ … _twice_.” He shifted his head, his eyes focusing on Anakin and Ahsoka. Still, Anakin felt as though Obi-Wan wasn’t really looking at them. “Not _me_ , but…”

Obi-Wan looked down at his hands, his frown deepening. Blinked a few times.

“Twice,” he murmured. “Right…here.” He patted his stomach two times, each pat heavier than the last. “I think…never _me_ …”

His brows furrowed together. “’s _never_ …” His hands suddenly curled inwards, turning into tight fists. “ _Should_ have…”

Anakin heard the quiver in Obi-Wan’s breath a moment later and suddenly, he felt _wrong_ , because he shouldn’t be seeing…but he stayed still, his chest tightening as he watched the first tear roll down the side of Obi-Wan’s face.

“Oh,” Ahsoka said quietly. Sadly. “Master Kenobi…”

She reached forward, brushing back the tear. “Oh, there goes another one…and another…”

Anakin sat down on the other side of the bed. As Ahsoka wiped away at the tears, he found himself looking down at Obi-Wan’s hands, still curled tightly over his stomach. Knuckles white.

Anakin took Obi-Wan’s hands. He expected struggle, but nothing came. He slowly uncurled Obi-Wan’s hands, examining the callouses and now the small crescents in his palms from where he had dug his nails into them.

Anakin heard sharp breaths now, small little gasps that rose and broke into the otherwise silent room. Anakin looked down at Obi-Wan’s shaking hands and slid his hand into one of them. Squeezed it once.

“It’s okay, Master,” Ahsoka was saying, but Anakin could hear the waver in her voice too.

Anakin heard another sharp gasp, and then—

A terrible, high-pitched sound that reminded Anakin of an engine right before it busted. That sound, again and again, and with each time, Anakin’s own eyes grew warmer until Obi-Wan’s hands were nothing more than blotches of color in front of him.

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin started, and he looked at Obi-Wan. He found eyes still fixed on the ceiling, cheeks damp and red. Anakin wasn’t sure if Obi-Wan could hear him—and that was what made Anakin hurt the most.

Anakin looked back down at the hand he was holding. He brought his forehead down on their clasped hands and stayed there, listening to Obi-Wan for the first time.

\--

“You should go,” Anakin told Ahsoka later.

Ahsoka’s eyes were puffy. Anakin wasn’t sure if he was doing much better.

“Would you?” Ahsoka asked.

Anakin looked down at Obi-Wan. He had eventually fallen back asleep—the drugs had finally, finally kicked in enough to drag him back under.

But still, Anakin could see where there had once been tears. He followed the tracks down Obi-Wan’s face, watched them fade into his cheeks.

“No,” Anakin replied. It hurt to speak.

“Did you…ever see him like that?” Ahsoka asked in a small voice.

“No,” Anakin repeated. “I think…”

Anakin cleared his throat roughly, wiped at his face. “I don’t think he ever really wanted me to see.”

Ahsoka didn’t say anything.

They sat and watched Obi-Wan.

“You don’t think he…”

“He won’t remember,” Anakin said. Again, his chest tightened. Obi-Wan crying, and he thought that he had been all alone, when he shouldn’t have been.

Anakin remembered that—feeling alone, crying alone when he had watched the life seep out of the eyes that had once been his home. Crying alone in a small, stinking hut, tugging his mom’s body as close to himself as he could, as though contact alone would be enough to bring her back.

And then what had come after…

Anakin shoved away the thoughts.

“He won’t remember,” Anakin repeated.

“I wish…” Ahsoka started, and then she stopped. “I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.”

Anakin watched Obi-Wan’s chest rise, fall.

“Neither do I.”

\--

Anakin couldn’t remember how long he had been sitting in medbay. At least a few hours, because Ahsoka had fallen asleep right in her chair, her head lolling against Anakin’s shoulder. Anakin’s eyes hurt, and he wanted to sleep too, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Not right now.

Obi-Wan stirred then—and when he opened his eyes, Anakin found that they were clear.

“Anakin…” Obi-Wan swallowed. He started to sit up, winced. Dropped his hand over his ribs. “Well…”

“Careful,” Anakin said. He leaned forward, Ahsoka’s head lolling off before jerking up.

“Is he…?” Ahsoka rubbed her eyes. “Oh. Morning, Master Kenobi.”

“Morning, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan replied with a small smile. “I hope—oh, _really,_ Anakin, you don’t have to…”

“You need to be careful,” Anakin said, righting Obi-Wan. “You’ve been…out for a while.”

“Have I?” Obi-Wan huffed out a half-laugh of a breath. “That would explain why I feel…rested.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Anakin replied. He looked over at Ahsoka, who just smiled, even though Anakin noticed that it didn’t completely reach her eyes. Not that he expected it to.

But if Obi-Wan noticed anything odd, he didn’t say anything. “I didn’t miss anything _too_ important, I hope?”

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan. His friend looked back up at him expectantly, eyebrows slightly lifted.

“No,” Anakin said. He smiled briefly. “Nothing major.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said. “That’s a relief. I was afraid that— _oh, hello_ —”

Anakin hadn’t even registered Ahsoka coming in to hug Obi-Wan until a moment later—but now Ahsoka’s arms were wrapped tightly around Obi-Wan’s neck, her chin resting on his shoulder.

Obi-Wan looked up at Anakin questioningly. “Ahsoka? Is…” He patted Ahsoka’s shoulder once. “Did something happen?”

“No,” Ahsoka said, her voice slightly muffled. “Just glad you’re okay.”

Obi-Wan’s face softened. He looked at Anakin again, his eyebrows still lifted, but Anakin decided that if his former master wanted an answer, he would just have to get it later.

“I don’t suppose…oh, you too?” Obi-Wan asked as Anakin settled down next to him.

“Yeah, me too,” Anakin mumbled, dropping his arms around both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. He settled his chin on top of Obi-Wan’s head. It was somewhat awkward—Ahsoka on one side, Anakin on the other, Obi-Wan still half-sitting up between them, but no one complained.

Obi-Wan let out another laugh, this one quieter than the last. “You two…”

“Don’t complain,” Anakin said. His eyes felt warm again, and he closed them tightly. “For once?”

There was a silence.

And then, softly, Obi-Wan said, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> me: haha i want to make something light and fluffy! maybe about obi-wan being a bit less in control than he usually is! :) painkillers! :) 
> 
> also me: what if after lawless-- 
> 
> as always, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! 
> 
> and, if you ever want to scream about star wars, i can be found [here on tumblr!](https://katierosefun.tumblr.com/)


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